Tuesday, November 4, 2014

Thoughts on friendships as an adult

This is a topic/post I roll around in my head a lot and debate on if its worth writing about.  But its been on my mind more lately, so I will just throw it out there.

In general, I would say that friendships have always been something I struggle with a bit.  Mostly girl friendships, there have been a few guys friends over the years that I connected with fine.  I really did not like high school all that much.  I never felt like I had a crowd, a group to call my own.  Stuck between my goody-goody friends and that crowd that partied.  For the record, I did not party in high school.  To me the risk far out weighed the benefits.  I could not wait for college and the opportunity to do my own thing, find a more diverse group of friends I could call my own.

I ended up joining a sorority in college, and mad some really close friends.  But a few things happened towards the end of those 4.5 years and some of those friendships fizzled out.  Turns out we had a lot of fun together while we were there, but that fun did not transition well into being a grown up.

Its been 11 years since I graduated college and I can count my close friends on one hand.  I have lots of medium-close friends, but only a couple of people I regularly keep in touch with.  Part of the problem is that we live about 3 hours from the major cities where most of our friends moved to after college.  Part of the problem is that as a working Mom, I work, commute, and hang out with my family.  There isn't a lot of free time to do girls nights, happy hours, book clubs, etc.  And I am usually fine with that, as somewhat of an introvert I enjoy time at home with just my family.

But every once in awhile, pictures on Facebook of girls supper clubs and girls weekends really get to me.  I don't really have that type of group, 5-10 girl friends that get together monthly while the husbands watch the kids.  My friends are scattered, different places, from different periods in my life.  Its something that does make me a little sad, but I don't really do anything to fix it.  I don't want to join Junior League.  I don't have time for Mom's groups.  And quite frankly I sometimes have trouble connecting with SAHMs.  Not that there is anything wrong with staying at home, its just that our lives are very different.

I am hoping that when H starts elementary school, or when I don't work and commute as much, that I can work on building a closer network of local friends.  But maybe that is not possible, I know some of has to do with me and my personality type.  And the other day as we approached the park in the stroller, H said to me, "Mom I don't want to play with the big kids at the park, I just want to play by myself."  So apparently she is a little like me, because sometimes I would just rather play by myself too.


Lindsay N. Strickland said...

Great post. I really feel the same way. The girls I grew up with (church youth group) and I have grown apart and then I lived at home and commuted to SHSU. Not really a way to grow friends! SO. Same boat over here. Working Mom. Few close friends. I've found that the women I feel most connected to have babies the same age as Jonah, we have that in common. But still, they are mostly SAHMs so even then there is this gap. They don't get my life...and its hard to explain the juggle of being a working Mom. Truly!!

Lastly, please don't quit your blog :)

The Bryan Family said...

I love this post, because I have been feeling the same things. I have a few close friends I keep in touch with and most of them do not live close to me. My friends are my friends because of our kids and maybe a few bonding times (aka sorority), but I would rather go adventure by myself or with my family. I do sometimes get a little jealous of those close mommy groups that do everything together, but at the same time seems like a big headache and too much keeping up with the jones.

Jennifer Alexander said...

Did you crawl inside my head? Wow - I feel just about the same. I yearn for those large groups, but I am also an introvert that loves my "me" time. I have a couple of close friends, but neither of them have kids, so its hard to connect. And mom dating...forget it. I am just not good at it!