Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Guest Post: Hollywood Housewife on Surprises of Motherhood

I am extremely excited to have Laura from hollywood housewife as a guest poster (is that even a real word??) on my blog today.  This is my first guest to host, and I will probably have trouble topping this one.  If you are not familiar with her or her blog, Laura lives in Hollywood (as the name implies) with her toddler daughter, infant son, and producer husband.  I started reading her blog several years ago, and recently, her little boy and H were born a few weeks apart.
Several months ago she offered to guest post for a few of her readers, and I jumped at the chance to have her share with you guys.  I gave her the topic/thought starter of "what nobody told me about being a mom" and she responded with a wonderfully honest answer.  I hope you guys enjoy reading it.

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I became a mom years after many of my friends, so I thought I had heard it all.  By the time I was nearing delivery of my first child, I felt duly warned about labor pains, sleep deprivation, breastfeeding woes, and body changes.

But no one, not a single person, had mentioned anything about the process of bonding with the baby unless it was under a post-partum whisper.  Everyone else, it seemed, felt that fierce mama bear love within moments of meeting of their child, or at least before they left the hospital.

But I didn’t.

I loved my daughter.  I always wanted to care for her.  But our relationship was not instantaneous.  We had to grow together over time, while she was waking up to the world and I was drifting out of the fog.  I worried, first a little bit and then I pushed it out of my mind, that I didn’t love her enough.  I didn’t know one hundred percent that I would jump in front of a train for her.  I was sure that I didn’t feel how a mom was supposed to feel.

And then one day, when she was about nine months old, we were at music class together.  She was across the room doing a little dance, and I looked up and my heart melted right out of my body and into a puddle at my feet.  I realized I had fallen completely in love with this little person.

No one told me that falling in love with my daughter would be like falling in love with anything else.  It took time and effort to build a solid foundation.  It was attraction, but not love, when I first knew my husband.  And it was magnetism, not motherly love, when I first met my daughter.

Now I’m head over heels with the toddler who shares my nose and her father’s volume.  When her brother was born last fall, I prepared myself for the same set of emotions.  And while it still wasn’t immediate, my immense love for him came a little more quickly, since this time I knew what is to come in the joy of parenting.

It seems like it shouldn’t be, but how we love our children is a touchy subject.  People don’t want to admit that their feelings are conflicted sometimes.  But with a few years perspective, and after talking to more people about it, I believe my bond with my daughter is healthy and natural.  I just wish someone had told me that it takes time for your heart to stretch to capacity.

Laura and her adorable daughter, "Pigtail"

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Laura's experience got me thinking about my own life and bonding with Baby H.  Tomorrow I will be sharing how having a c-section and H being in NICU effected our first few days, so be sure to check back!


laura @ hollywood housewife said...

Thank you so much for featuring me today! It's so lovely over here. :)

J. Young said...

I agree, Laura. It took me a while to warm up to the first one. Sounds weird when you're talking about your child, but hey, that's the way it was. Perhaps even longer with the second. Everyone is different and I so wish I was one of those people who were instantly in dreamy love with their newborn. But, with all those crazy hormones and severe post-partum depression... I don't think it was in the cards.

Anonymous said...

I was head over heels in love with my first one before my head was clear from the birth. It was a couple of months before I bonded with number two, but I have been accused of favoring him for years.

Jules Bianchi said...

Thanks for sharing, Laura!!

Adriel (The Mommyhood Memos) said...

lovely post laura. you mentioned in a comment to me a little while back that you went through some "trials" in your 2nd pregnancy. i wonder if that "helped" speed the bonding process as well? just a thought.

every mother walks a different journey in those early days ey? we're all so similar, and yet so different. and no doubt crazy hormones contribute!

Christine Trevino said...

Thank you for sharing Laura!